you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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