I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
