so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
