I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
