I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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