after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
