evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
