If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
