no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I need a burrito and a hug.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
