Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she told me i tasted like america
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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