This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
