Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
