even my farts smell like vagina
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
