I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
