take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
