is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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