he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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