I wish my penis had an off switch
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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