I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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