mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
