Please, let me fuck your mom
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
