I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
