How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
