PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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