when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
