You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
