So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
