God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
