there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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