I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
