my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
