I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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