Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
