Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
