she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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