Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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