I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
