remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
