I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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