I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Someone shattered a urinal.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
