Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
