man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize