Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
