i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
