We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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