70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
