The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
