Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
