I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
