I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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