the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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