the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
